Humans,as different as they may appear the first time you look at them , are basically all the same. We are all in pursuit of happiness that is socially acceptable , we are trying to fit in while wanting to stand out. We crave for love that we think we do not deserve , are afraid of being alone when we are dying, and of course we all anticipate prepare for and try constantly to avoid something terrible from happening that we fear will change our life forever.
I have always wondered how people stay strong even after their world is turned upside down.
I think it was about a week ago that God decided to show me exactly what happens to you when something terrible happens ….
It usually happens with “others” so you are never really prepared for it no matter how much you try to convince yourselves otherwise. It is like a wind that blows so strong and takes with it what it has to before you even have a chance to blink.
When you lose someone forever, nothing really is the same again. You can move on , learn to live with it eventually but you know that there always will be a part of you that you have lost and that pain will not go away. Just coming to terms with this fact feels like a thousand needles piercing through your heart.
It feels like god placed a large mirror placed across the sky and now you see a reflection of the world ,crystal clear. You realise that till now you had always viewed the world through filters but now you see it for what it is. I never believed it when others said but now I have seen it for myself , the real world ; Selfish and self sacrificing , Ignorant and Caring , Supportive and Cruel
The layers that you have put on for the world to accept you don’t seem to matter anymore and you let go.I have always been a loner and when something terrible happened I just didn’t feel the need to talk to anyone
You learn more about yourself. I am an escapist it seems, for when tragedy struck I seeked shelter in english fiction.
You feel stupid for worrying about every small thing that kept you up at night. Not even in the scariest of my nightmares had I imagined that with a blink of an eye , God will be so cruel to me and take away people that deserved better.
Guilt takes over when you realise that you are being selfish by moving on. They deserve better than to be forgotten , I keep telling myself.
You see the people you love suffering too and you learn that there is nothing you can do that will help them . They must go through this journey on their own, just like you need to.
Still you feel a sense of accomplishment a false sense of control over life when you are taking care of others.
You start getting used to the weight on your chest and try to breathe nevertheless but every now and then there is something that happens that takes you back right to a particular moment where a part of you is till stuck.
We were supposed to go shopping together that evening ,a part of me still hopes that she would just come back.
I invited him for dinner at my place, I think I will wait for him for a long time.
This is what goes on when something terrible happens….I am sorry if it happened with you too, I still don’t know how to deal with this , but maybe the fact that you are not going through this alone would offer some comfort.