Is there a word for this feeling ?

When You finally get what you always wanted , a chance to show the world you were not born for a desk job?Your shot at escaping from the confinements of  9 to 5  or of  having to wear a neck tie for five days in a week. A chance to actually stop dreading Monday mornings? To do , what you have for a very long time believed that you were born to do?

But then just as you are about to get it, this  blessing  from the Universe something that  you have been asking,  in fact begging for as long as you can remember. This rare opportunity that you believe can help you  to  make your mark , to live the life you have always imagined for yourself something happens to you.

You  freeze.

No not physically , But your brain,It  just stops responding. Your senses work , just enough to  make you aware of each second that passes and of the fact that each moment that you are not performing more than your best capabilities  you are your letting your golden  opportunity slip by.

Inside your head you  can hear  yourself screaming  , you know you must do something.  You know this chance  will never come again  so you have to do something , anything! But that doesn’t seem to help much  because you don’t do anything. You can’t do anything.   Your mind refuses to work with you and in fact the only thing it is doing for you is making you watch  random YouTube videos  or indulge in unhealthy late night snacks .

This procrastination is fuelled by your fear which  leads to a state of denial and that is when  you hear it .

A voice,  it is more like a whisper actually , coming from  somewhere within you . It tries to convince you that giving up this opportunity of a lifetime is better than failing at it. As most of you who ever dared to dream will agree that ,

There is nothing worse than realising that you were not good enough for your own dream.

What is this  feeling called ? This feeling that makes us think we want to listen to this voice?

Is it the Fear of failing? Is it Temptation of having the choice of blaming the ‘unfair world’ for not living the life of your dreams ? Or is it just Confusion because we are so used to waiting and seeing others waiting for “Someday” to get a chance  fulfill their desires that the fact that our “Someday”  is already  here confuses us.

The most challenging of course is the  temptation of letting go and settling for always wondering ‘what if’ – just how we are accustomed to on this planet-  instead of taking that chance and finding out ourselves.

I have been told that taking this chance and failing is better than regretting it at my death-bed .That   does sound like a very convincing argument but that doesn’t mean it gets   any easier .It is not meant to be easy, nothing worthwhile in life ever is. In the end it is a choice , a choice though difficult but necessary . A Choice to not be defined by our fears  to face them to rose above them.