Dear Ex Boyfriend, 

I guess between all the  complaining  fighting  and Yelling I forgot to say a few things I probably should have . I am writing this letter to you  and yet a part of me hopes you never read it.

We have had our problems for some time now but it never meant my feelings for you changed even a bit .Despite of all the times I yelled at you for not ‘caring enough ‘, I knew in my heart that you cared about me the most.  I never understood video game characters but hearing you talk so passionately about all your games was the favourite time of my day. Sometimes I called you really late in the night just to hear your voice, Just the sound of your voice calmed me especially when I had trouble sleeping.

It feels like it  all happened yesterday but at the same time it just feels like it was  another lifetime. It was the summer solstice, the longest day of the year , you made it one of the best days of my life when  you told me there was no one else you would rather spend it with .Even thought I tried my best to hide my excitement I think my eyes gave it away.They always did. In the evening  when you took me out so we could watch the beautiful sunset together, I was only staring at you. You were wearing your grey sweater that day . I did not care much about the sunset I was just waiting for you to kiss me.

You and I were not going to last we knew that since the first day we met, (Remember that?  You came up to me asked me if I knew my eyes were light brown. Every body knows their eye colour. I have no idea how that pick up line even  worked.) But that did not make what we had any less real , our first kiss any less magical (I was so nervous,  Did I ever tell you that?)  or our first date any less fascinating ( I took you to my favourite library…and you told me your favourite book was Goosebumps!)

We promised each other we will not lose ourselves or get attached but that promise kinda went out of the window when you told me that you wanted to cook dinner for me or when you always went  out of your way to drop me first or when we shared our deepest secrets with each other over night long conversations.

I cant help but  wonder if I will come up in your stories , if you will tell other girls about me. I wonder what  all will you tell them. Will you tell them about the time you took the wrong train and travelled an extra two hours just so you could spend more time with me? or would you tell them how you made me walk  two kilo meters for  ‘The world’s best milkshakes’ and then I spilled your coffe-shake but you didn’t get mad at me. Will you tell them how we didn’t have to talk to communicate or even look into each others eyes to tell how the other feels.

I am going to miss distracting you in the middle of a very important game. I will miss your lips and the way they felt against my skin. I will miss kissing you at the most inappropriate times. I will miss how all my worries seemed distant and tiny  when I spent time with you. I might even miss how you used to make me laugh when I was trying hard to stay mad at you.I will miss you.

I will never get to paint your new room with you , We will not be able to read ‘The Kite Runner’ together .You will have that candle light dinner with someone else.  I will not get to wear my new black dress with you  We will not be able to watch the next Avengers movie curled up in your bed.I know that pretty soon , I will just be one of those girls who for sometime had the privilege to be the girl who gets to know about your dreams and fears.  I got to be the girl who would get Chocolates and Roses unexpectedly I also got to be the girl who worried too much about you .

One day I will  have to learn how to be okay with all of  that.

Life moves on , and we will be with other people.But I know that whenever I see a guy be more possessive about his Dosa than his girlfriend, I will think of you and I hope that you think of me when there is nobody to fight with you for the last French fry.

We  both know that we cannot stay friends ,because that will just remind us how we shared something beautiful and how we let it go. We will always  fret about the fact it can never be the same again and that risks tarnishing the memory of the most adventurous ten months of my life.(A risk I am not willing to take.)

I just hope that in years to come we can remember  the time we were together just how it was without feeling  any remorse or regret.

 

Thank you for the memories and sorry for the heartbreak and headaches.

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