Breakups and heartaches have this unusual power to make you feel all alone in this planet of 8 billion. Those who read my blogs know that I am not a stranger to this agony and I don’t shy away from complaining about how unfair it is.
This post is about the aftermath of a breakup or more accurately what happened when a twenty year old got her heart broken.
If this is the first time you broke up an dare scared of what is coming then , brace yourselves it is easier than what is made to sound like. If it is not the first time then well you know how it goes…
After denying what has happened. After the int ital shock ,the yelling and the fighting stops .It is replaced by a deafening silence. You feel like you are still shouting the only difference is that no one can hear you anymore. You start missing the fights now because that way at least you were being heard.
People who care about you won’t have time or you.
It’s nothing personal, it is just the way it is. It happens with everyone.
After a point you stop missing the person and start missing who you were before this mess, Before the heartaches and the fights.
You know what sucks? It doesn’t matter if you break up with someone once or a million times it sucks every time it causes you pain every time. The reasons for pain may be different, it hurts all the same.
There are a lot of false hopes and moments of weaknesses offering temporary comfort.But more often than not they end up as nothing more than regrets and self loathing the next morning. Don’t test yourself. I did everything possible to forget about his existence and for the most time it worked.
It is supposed to hurt so bad or so they tell me. But it is also important to not get comfortable in misery. It is a trap. it takes an effort to smile , to get out of bed to talk to people.
But Some days it is easier. You start living for those days.
There is uncertainty all around and a promising charm in the past as it starts to appear better than what it really was
I have become familiar with the drill now , there feels to be a weight on your chest that you must carry Until you don’t anymore.
And for most people I know , it is like a switch. In a moment you realise that you are over it. For others it is more difficult.It is a process, and the weight decreases in the most random way. But it does decrease.
It was a conversation for me, My friend just told me it doesn’t have to be so difficult.You don’t have to be sad anymore if you decide not to be and even though I had heard these words a million times before. They just seemed to work this time. Maybe I was ready then.
Tired of moping, tired of sitting at home crying and wondering what I did wrong this time. Frankly I was tired of waiting for him to come back and fix me back.
Life didn’t go back to perfect , I am not expecting perfect anymore anyway.I still have bad nights but its the weight of the sky that isn’t there anymore.
He is not coming back and I am okay with it. with time I am going to learn to be grateful for it also.
The most important thing I learnt through all of this is that it is okay to ask for help. Sometimes it is essential to seek help. Sometimes others will help you. Most of the times you help yourself.