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Perspective

The world through the eyes of an Optimist.

When writers say Chandler and Monica were supposed to be a one time thing…

I am  ready to believe that Man really walked on the Moon. I may even understand that Kennedy Assassination had nothing to do with Vietnam. You might just convince me that area 51 has no connection to Alien life.I will keep quiet when you say that the dress was in fact Gold and White .But there is nothing in the entire known Universe that could for a second have me believe that Chandler and Monica were not meant to be together since the very first episode.

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An open letter to my Ex-boyfriend.

Dear Ex Boyfriend, 

I guess between all the  complaining  fighting  and Yelling I forgot to say a few things I probably should have . I am writing this letter to you  and yet a part of me hopes you never read it.

We have had our problems for some time now but it never meant my feelings for you changed even a bit .Despite of all the times I yelled at you for not ‘caring enough ‘, I knew in my heart that you cared about me the most.  I never understood video game characters but hearing you talk so passionately about all your games was the favourite time of my day. Sometimes I called you really late in the night just to hear your voice, Just the sound of your voice calmed me especially when I had trouble sleeping.

It feels like it  all happened yesterday but at the same time it just feels like it was  another lifetime. It was the summer solstice, the longest day of the year , you made it one of the best days of my life when  you told me there was no one else you would rather spend it with .Even thought I tried my best to hide my excitement I think my eyes gave it away.They always did. In the evening  when you took me out so we could watch the beautiful sunset together, I was only staring at you. You were wearing your grey sweater that day . I did not care much about the sunset I was just waiting for you to kiss me.

You and I were not going to last we knew that since the first day we met, (Remember that?  You came up to me asked me if I knew my eyes were light brown. Every body knows their eye colour. I have no idea how that pick up line even  worked.) But that did not make what we had any less real , our first kiss any less magical (I was so nervous,  Did I ever tell you that?)  or our first date any less fascinating ( I took you to my favourite library…and you told me your favourite book was Goosebumps!)

We promised each other we will not lose ourselves or get attached but that promise kinda went out of the window when you told me that you wanted to cook dinner for me or when you always went  out of your way to drop me first or when we shared our deepest secrets with each other over night long conversations.

I cant help but  wonder if I will come up in your stories , if you will tell other girls about me. I wonder what  all will you tell them. Will you tell them about the time you took the wrong train and travelled an extra two hours just so you could spend more time with me? or would you tell them how you made me walk  two kilo meters for  ‘The world’s best milkshakes’ and then I spilled your coffe-shake but you didn’t get mad at me. Will you tell them how we didn’t have to talk to communicate or even look into each others eyes to tell how the other feels.

I am going to miss distracting you in the middle of a very important game. I will miss your lips and the way they felt against my skin. I will miss kissing you at the most inappropriate times. I will miss how all my worries seemed distant and tiny  when I spent time with you. I might even miss how you used to make me laugh when I was trying hard to stay mad at you.I will miss you.

I will never get to paint your new room with you , We will not be able to read ‘The Kite Runner’ together .You will have that candle light dinner with someone else.  I will not get to wear my new black dress with you  We will not be able to watch the next Avengers movie curled up in your bed.I know that pretty soon , I will just be one of those girls who for sometime had the privilege to be the girl who gets to know about your dreams and fears.  I got to be the girl who would get Chocolates and Roses unexpectedly I also got to be the girl who worried too much about you .

One day I will  have to learn how to be okay with all of  that.

Life moves on , and we will be with other people.But I know that whenever I see a guy be more possessive about his Dosa than his girlfriend, I will think of you and I hope that you think of me when there is nobody to fight with you for the last French fry.

We  both know that we cannot stay friends ,because that will just remind us how we shared something beautiful and how we let it go. We will always  fret about the fact it can never be the same again and that risks tarnishing the memory of the most adventurous ten months of my life.(A risk I am not willing to take.)

I just hope that in years to come we can remember  the time we were together just how it was without feeling  any remorse or regret.

 

Thank you for the memories and sorry for the heartbreak and headaches.

Freaking out When ‘Someday’ is Today.

Is there a word for this feeling ?

When You finally get what you always wanted , a chance to show the world you were not born for a desk job?Your shot at escaping from the confinements of  9 to 5  or of  having to wear a neck tie for five days in a week. A chance to actually stop dreading Monday mornings? To do , what you have for a very long time believed that you were born to do?

But then just as you are about to get it, this  blessing  from the Universe something that  you have been asking,  in fact begging for as long as you can remember. This rare opportunity that you believe can help you  to  make your mark , to live the life you have always imagined for yourself something happens to you.

You  freeze.

No not physically , But your brain,It  just stops responding. Your senses work , just enough to  make you aware of each second that passes and of the fact that each moment that you are not performing more than your best capabilities  you are your letting your golden  opportunity slip by.

Inside your head you  can hear  yourself screaming  , you know you must do something.  You know this chance  will never come again  so you have to do something , anything! But that doesn’t seem to help much  because you don’t do anything. You can’t do anything.   Your mind refuses to work with you and in fact the only thing it is doing for you is making you watch  random YouTube videos  or indulge in unhealthy late night snacks .

This procrastination is fuelled by your fear which  leads to a state of denial and that is when  you hear it .

A voice,  it is more like a whisper actually , coming from  somewhere within you . It tries to convince you that giving up this opportunity of a lifetime is better than failing at it. As most of you who ever dared to dream will agree that ,

There is nothing worse than realising that you were not good enough for your own dream.

What is this  feeling called ? This feeling that makes us think we want to listen to this voice?

Is it the Fear of failing? Is it Temptation of having the choice of blaming the ‘unfair world’ for not living the life of your dreams ? Or is it just Confusion because we are so used to waiting and seeing others waiting for “Someday” to get a chance  fulfill their desires that the fact that our “Someday”  is already  here confuses us.

The most challenging of course is the  temptation of letting go and settling for always wondering ‘what if’ – just how we are accustomed to on this planet-  instead of taking that chance and finding out ourselves.

I have been told that taking this chance and failing is better than regretting it at my death-bed .That   does sound like a very convincing argument but that doesn’t mean it gets   any easier .It is not meant to be easy, nothing worthwhile in life ever is. In the end it is a choice , a choice though difficult but necessary . A Choice to not be defined by our fears  to face them to rose above them.

‘Money cant buy happiness, but I would rather cry in a Mini cooper!’

I have a million dreams and money can help me accomplish at least half of them…I come from a family of economists,we like to  brag about our understanding of these peculiar green notes that are known to have altered the course of history ,multiple times!

Money we know is essential to live a life with comfort , anyone who says otherwise is either a saint, fool, fraud or all of the above.

Money is the reason why we choose to do an MBA instead of focussing on that novel we have been longing to write since ages . It is the need of money that motivates us to wake up early and stand first in the line on a day of a big sale.

Yes!  Money is important and there are enough people and circumstances to remind you of that every day . But lets not do that today . Call me naive but I  believe that there are still certain things in life that we can’t put a price tag on and these are some of the most under-appreciated things in the world.

Have you ever noticed that there is no price tag for  listening to the song of birds at the end of long winters that tell you its spring time!! You don’t have to pay a price for  watching the sun rise from the horizon every day ! Have you ever been able to buy that feeling of butterflies in your stomach when a beautiful stranger smiles at you? or that warmth that you feel when a baby holds your little finger with their whole hand. There is no store that sells the emotions you feel when you are at the last chapter of an amazing novel.The sense of belonging that we feel when we are with our closest Friends cannot be bought anywhere or that rush that we feel when we manage to cook something exactly like mom used to ! What about that sense of satisfaction we get when me make others laugh? Priceless  ! isn’t it? Just like the excitement of a good idea ..or a new blog post! The relief of getting to know that your teacher is absent who can put a price tag on that? And a bazillion other things that this 20 year old can only hope to understand someday but I know you are thinking about them now so you realise exactly  I am talking about!!

It is time old banal saying , ‘Money can’t buy Happiness’ but  as they say , clichés are clichés for a reason.
So Word to the wise , Chase money If you want luxury comfort and security. But if it is happiness that you seek,You might want to look somewhere else.

I have a million dreams and money can help me accomplish at least half of them but today I choose to look at the other half.

 

 

 

How to break a heart

Always wondered how they do it to you?  Well! wonder no more.

Breaking hearts is not rocket science in fact I believe it to be an art. So there is no one way to do it.

No matter how you do it  It always leads to the other person feeling the weight of the sky crushing them as they struggle to breathe.

So here it is a step by step guide to what I feel is the most easy way to do break someone’s Heart.

(Pro tip : The best time to do the deed is right after someone tells you they trust you and show you their vulnerable emotional self. That’s when it hurts them the most)

Step 1 : It’s usually best to enter a person’s life, When they are not looking for someone. How to identify such people? Its easy ,they are happy .Their  eyes sparkle naturally. They are either  content with the way their life is going  or They are sorrowful and have made peace with the fact that they will not find anyone ever.

Both these situations are when they least want someone in their life and thats why they never see it coming.

Step 2 Pretend that what they say matters. Act like you listen to their stories . Laugh together.Cry together. This will ensure that when you break their heart ,they will keep wondering (maybe for years) what is it that went wrong.

Step 3 : Make promises you never intend to keep. Make plans for a future together.

Step4 : Slowly, allow them to depend on you . Continue this till the point their connections with others start to faze out and you dominate their social life.

step5  : Just when you are sure that they trust you and you are all they have got,Do something that destroys them.Cheat, Lie, Become distant…the possibilities are endless.

(Pro tip : Say ‘I am sorry ‘and expect that to make it all okay)

step6 : Leave. Don’t look back. Ever. Don’t ever return to see the damage you have caused.There is absolutely no accountability when it comes to  breaking hearts. The best part ? You can move on to the next thing in  your life.While they are left to pick up the pieces, That probably changes them forever.

So what are you waiting for? Its a beautiful life , Go ahead and ruin it for someone.

Break- Ups Suck

I have always talked about how important it is to look at the bright side of things, to always look for the silver linings, the half filled glass- the stars in the sky. Today I am writing about something else; A universal truth of which I am a profound  advocate .It is, that ‘Breakups Suck!’

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? But breakups do kill you! (They kill your spirit!) When I say break up I don’t mean when you have a spat with your munchkin because he didn’t text you goodnight last night. NO! This is the real deal, when it is over. FINISH, FINITO, THE END!!! One of the countless awful things about breakup is that breakups are not just when you break up with your boyfriend. Even if that is how the dictionary defines it. I think break -up and the excruciating pain that follows it demands a broader and more inclusive definition. So here is mine, It is when your love affair ends or  a breakup   with a boy you really liked but never really got a chance to date, it can be with your ex -boyfriend when you get to know that he is seeing someone. The worst of all of these is when you break up with your best friend. There are little things in life worse than losing your best friend. Naturally if you just broke up with your boyfriend who was also your best friend then that IS worse. And I offer my sincere and most heartfelt condolences. So a break up is almost anything that breaks your heart and makes you feel alone on this planet with a population of 8 billion (and counting!)

The worst of all is that no matter how much you mentally prepare yourself for it,You never see it coming. Even if you are the one who broke it off. You never realize the degree of attachment you feel towards a person until it really is over and suddenly you feel a flood of emotions through your body and for most of the time these emotions overwhelm you and disturb everything in your life.

Unless you are one of those lucky ones who after a break up realize that you had no attachment towards your partner and your life seems not affected. If that is the case..Good for you and right now I envy you!

But honestly I have only seen this in movies. In real life Break ups suck! At least the first one week where suddenly you realize that there is no one to call when something amazing happens at work. There is nobody to listen to how horrible you feel when you wake up from a nightmare. You miss them when you read something hilarious on the internet but cannot share it with them or when suddenly you find yourself waiting for their message like you used to.

The important thing to know is that it is alright and yes it is supposed to suck so much initially. Everything after that is just about adjusting to the change in your life. It is different for different people. It might take you weeks, months maybe years but that is totally alright as long as you are trying to make the best of everything but most importantly as long as you are trying.

Trying to build back your life  is exhausting at times, yes. It does seem pointless and at times you give up and that’s okay as  long as the accepting  defeat part is short term but the trying your best to get your life back part is long term

Something we forget at times like this is that it will be alright. It feels like the end of the world right now. But someday somewhere somehow that weight you have been carrying will just not be there anymore. Just like that.

In hindsight we always realize that most of the times when things don’t go our way they usually have a way of working out for the best! I mean I was ‘crushed’(note the pun!) when the boy I had a crush on in eighth grade told me he doesn’t feel the  same way. I thought my life was over. But now I thank god that he didn’t.  I have achieved so many better things in life now  I wouldn’t have if I was dating him.(Last I heard he was caught trying to smuggle watches! )

I know this now and I want everyone else to know it too. It is going to be fine. Maybe not like what you had planned, maybe not like before but it will be just how it was always supposed to be!

The optimist

 

 

 

The “Bubble” pops – Trying to convince the world I dont live in a bubble

Continue reading “The “Bubble” pops – Trying to convince the world I dont live in a bubble”

When a girl tells you she loves you

There are close to 4 billion girls in the world and I can’t speak for each one of them. But I think it is safe to conclude that as a rule when a girl tells you she loves you there is  a lot more to it than what appears on the surface.
We have always been told that it is not easy for men to express how they feel, to communicate about their feelings openly . From  my personal experience I can say that it is true,  for most of them anyway.
While it may be difficult for boys to talk about how they feel , Today I wanna tell you about the storm that rages  inside a woman’s mind as she says those 3 magical words to you.
When a girl tells you she loves you it is not because it just popped into her head right at that moment. Even if some of us try to convince you that it did.
It is because for quite some time now she has been wrestling with a feeling similar to that  of a mild electric current running all through her body. For quite some time now she has been completely ignoring it and pretending that it doesn not exist.
There are moments when she feels a warm fire ignite within her and there are times when she finds herself smiling – for no reason.
But she doesn’t Acknowledge this strange feeling straight away.
Maybe It is because there is something about this new state of existence that naturally scares her to admit what almost always seems obvious in hindsight.

When a girl tells you how she really feels about you. It is despite her best friend warning her not to.

When a girl tells you she has fallen for you it is in spite of a voice in the back of her head screaming her to run away trying to convince her that it’s a bad idea.There is something inside her that knows that  she is bound to get hurt no matter how it turns out.

Only after asking herself a thousand questions will a girl tell you that she loves you.
Only after asking herself ‘what is wrong with me ?’ a million times and ‘what is wrong with him(Or her) ‘ a billion times is a girl really sure about it.
All of this of course is calculated in her head. Sometimes at lightening speed all while she is sipping her morning cup of  coffee.

It is tough for everyone to put themselves out there but when a girl does it, It is different because  She has already  done it a thousand times before, in her head whether she realises it or not.
She has imagined everything that can go wrong which includes everything from alien invasion to spontaneous breaking out of a zombie apocalypse
Okay , that might be  an exaggeration.
But the takeaway here is that when a  woman says ‘I love you’.  She already knows how much it is going to hurt if you don’t say it back. She has lived it in her a head a million times . But she is willing to risk it for she feels it is more important for you to know how she feels.That I believe requires a lot of courage! Courage that should be admired because not a lot of people have it.
A lot of people will prefer to stay in the dark rather than risking their heart to get broken.

When a girl tells you she loves you she has been in love with you for a long  time now . So yes she is sure.

You may not always feel the same way and that’s okay.
But I just feel that it is important for you to know that those three words took an insane amount of courage
There are close to 4 billion girls in the world and I can’t speak for each one of them. But I think that  it is safe to conclude that when a girl tells you she loves you there is a lightning  storm brewing  behind the  seemingly innocent spark in her eyes.

My Earliest Memory

I am now a twenty year old almost adult almost independent girl.

From the twenty years of my life on this planet the last seventeen have particularly stood out. The reason for this distinction is very obvious. It is the coming into existence of my younger sister who since the day she was born has been my partner in crime.

For the first three years of my life , I was treated like a Princess or so I have been told .I have heard stories about how all my family members used to dance around me trying to make the Princess smile. As flattering as all these tails are and no matter how much  I love hearing them , I dont remember most of it!

What I do remember most Prominently is a summer evening of 1998 in Early August.
Nothing seemed out of the ordinary as my Aunt was bathing me in our lawn outside with a garden pipe.
For me it was like any other Summer day. At that time I didnt know my life going to change forever.
I remember the exact moment when I was standing in the bucket playing with shampoo in my hair when I saw my parents enter from the front gate. My mother was  carrying a bundle of blankets in her hands. I remember jumping with excitement as I saw them.
My aunt wrapped me in a towel before I hurried up to them. Upon a closer examination of those blankets I realised what my mum was holding ; A baby.
I screamed with joy,I didn’t know why or if I even understood the concept of a tiny human when I was one myself.
Later that evening when I was dressed my parents let me hold the baby in my lap and for the first time , I held my baby sister in my arms and since that day we have been inseparable, doing almost everything together.
My parents tell me I was never jealous of the fact that their attention was now divided, How could I ever be jealous of that cute  little Girl in my house that followed me everywhere and tried to do everything I did . For me , She was like a doll. A doll to play with to take care of. Only a doll that could both talk and respond. Maybe I was never jealous because I never considered her a rival or  as my parents  “Other”daughter for me she was mine and I was supposed to take care of her and protect her by any and all means. (and 17 years later I still feel the same way!)
Even though I do remember having a lot of fun with endless games ,Dressing up our barbie Dolls , Sometimes dressing up each other , Climbing trees together or the day I taught her how to ride a bike. I know these memories become fuzzy with time, But the day she first came in our lives was my earliest memory and I shall cherish for as long as I live.

~The optimist

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