When they told me about adulting
they left out quite a bit.
They told me about the job, the settling, the compromises
yet nobody talked about “it”
It is the feeling of not ‘feeling it’.
It is the stiffness that creeps up in the middle of the day
It is confusion at play
It is figuring out what’s wrong when all seems okay.
It makes you stay home alone
calls you a loser when you’re scrolling through your phone.
It is why you see yourself in Meredith Grey
more than you ever did in Rachel Green.
It is never being enough
It is life’s biggest bluff.
It is a constant need of validation.
It is freezing because of your heart’s rapid vibration.
It is emptiness
that can’t be seen.
It is a silent whisper
in the form of a loud scream.
It is a sickness
or just the way life is.
It breaks you from inside
not fully, just enough that you can hide.
I don’t quite have a word for “it” yet
Just a feeling that’s stuck like an old cassette
I just wished they’d warn me before.
I wished they’d told me adulting was a war.
Where your enemy knows all that you do
It’s undefeatable because “it” is you.
Perspective 